What to Wear - Etiquette pt. 2

Rabbit Etiquette Part 2: The Outfit

Continuing our etiquette trip, we move on to what to wear for your society occasions.

There is only one place to go for outfits when you’re an animal of distinction – Pugsley’s in Dulcimer Row, W1. They have a quality selection of ready-to-wear bear-wear, soft and sheer deer-gear – but they are most famous for their made to measure evening suits.

These are seriously expensive, so you could always try the charity shop around the corner. I once picked up a slightly used Vers-hutch-y jacket there. It’s beautifully made but admittedly I’ll need to lose a few grams. And I’m sure threadbare orange gingham will come back into fashion soon.

Luckily for the Rabbit-about-Town who is high on class but short on brass, the upper echelons of bunny social class are tolerant of clothesless-ness. But there are a number of essential things to consider;

1. Hair should be clean and straw free
2. Ears should be parted down the middle
3. Nails should be clipped and filed, with cuticles under control
4. Furballs should be expelled in advance of the event
5. A bow-tie for the Bucks, and a bloom for the Does
6. No tattoos or Bunberrys pattern fabric – too trailerpark.

Do not try what Neville did last year – at a prominent burrow-warming he thought he would be humourous and arrive in fancy dress. Tragically for Neville – who is a fairly portly Bunny – the only costume that would fit him was that of a sleek, red fox. The somewhat startled guests grabbed the nearest available defence that they had, and stoned him relentlessly until he stopped moving, then went about him with a broom handle. We had a really good laugh about it at the animal hospital after he came out of the coma, recovered his memory, and the broken jaw and ribs healed.

Classic.

Anyway, more etiquette tips to follow.

Celebrity news..

I don't normally dabble in these kind of things, but..

My sources close to all things celebrity have uncovered a quite remarkable faux-story being played out in the twinkly streets of Tinsel Town.

Long time personal-issue media expose queen Britney Spears (Pictured - being surprised by fearless bunny reporter Earnie O'Hare), has had more than her fair share of issues of late - but can you guess what pushed her over the edge into rehab?

Drink? Drugs? The end of her second marriage?

None of the above. We can exclusively reveal that Britney sought professional help to try and come to terms with a mystery condition that is affecting many ailing celebrities both here and abroad. Britney was in conflict with her Inner Rabbit.

Until very recently Britney has been a huge consumer of lettuce and carrots, making "vzz" noises and licking herself clean. Previously explained away by friends and entourage as Britney "just being a bit weird, like" it took a chance encounter with reknowned Professor of Bunnythropomorphism, LeRoy Spatula at a lettuce dependancy support group for the diagnosis to be made.

Swiftly, arrangements were made for Brit to be admitted to The Warren in Beverly Hills for concentrated therapy sessions of fluffy ear wearing, cotton tail preening, and water bottle practice.

After hopping around the exercise yard eating her own poo and attempting to tunnel under the perimeter wall using her teeth, Britney was deemed "Adjusted" and given a conditional discharge from the hospital before she could do any more damage.

Apparently now on the road to recovery she was recently back on the stage singing, and the professionals think that her once shiny coat will grow back in a couple of months. But Professor Spatula urges caution; "Your inner rabbit is a fragile thing. It could be a throw-away comment, a missed meal or marrying Kevin Federline. They're all highly risky behaviours."

A lesson for us all there.

(o:3