London, UK: Reporter Bunby Funbag
Another day, another dog lies dazed and concussed. Another victim of the growing and worrying trend of drive-by boning.
In the latest manifestation of “pack-culture”, rogue strays are prowling the streets, armed with beefy bones. Intent on teaching pampered pedigree dogs a lesson, dogs are boning on the streets, in the park – and now even through the windows of affluent homes in well heeled areas.
Chief Inspector Mutt of the Animal Constabulary, speaking at a press conference said; “Today we’re launching a campaign aimed at these packs of doggyobs, to let them know that this is as socially unacceptable as howling, sniffing other dog’s bottoms, or humping legs. It can lead to more serious crimes like leaving the scene of a pavement fouling without picking it up. Which can lead to significant fines.”
“I was boned”, Bonzo says (pictured right), “I was sat on the sofa watching Kennels under the Hammer
when there was a terrific crash. It all went black, and it wasn’t until I came around next to a cow thigh bone that I realised what had happened.”
CI Mutt continues, “We’re advising all dogs to avoid sitting in high places, watching crummy TV, with direct lines of vision to the street. Pull the curtains, sit under a table in the dark wearing a crash helmet with the sound off, and you’ll be perfectly safe.”
Rabbit says: Now if bunnies were throwing carrots – I’d be putting myself in dangerous situations three times a day. And in between times if I felt like a snack..
Another day, another dog lies dazed and concussed. Another victim of the growing and worrying trend of drive-by boning.
In the latest manifestation of “pack-culture”, rogue strays are prowling the streets, armed with beefy bones. Intent on teaching pampered pedigree dogs a lesson, dogs are boning on the streets, in the park – and now even through the windows of affluent homes in well heeled areas.
Chief Inspector Mutt of the Animal Constabulary, speaking at a press conference said; “Today we’re launching a campaign aimed at these packs of doggyobs, to let them know that this is as socially unacceptable as howling, sniffing other dog’s bottoms, or humping legs. It can lead to more serious crimes like leaving the scene of a pavement fouling without picking it up. Which can lead to significant fines.”
“I was boned”, Bonzo says (pictured right), “I was sat on the sofa watching Kennels under the Hammer
when there was a terrific crash. It all went black, and it wasn’t until I came around next to a cow thigh bone that I realised what had happened.”CI Mutt continues, “We’re advising all dogs to avoid sitting in high places, watching crummy TV, with direct lines of vision to the street. Pull the curtains, sit under a table in the dark wearing a crash helmet with the sound off, and you’ll be perfectly safe.”
Rabbit says: Now if bunnies were throwing carrots – I’d be putting myself in dangerous situations three times a day. And in between times if I felt like a snack..
1 comment:
Another exclusive from Bunby! Mr Funbag, you are an inspiration to us all.
And I thought "got me bonin'" was a rather excellent song by Fishbone!
I must say, Channel 4 will have this one on the 7pm tomorrow without a doubt.
Don't forget to carry the secret camera Bunby!
Yours,
Bunby Appreciation Society (Thatcham And Region Division)
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