Prominent scientist blames flatulent rabbits for global warming

Science & Technology: Reporter Bun Senberner

Rabbits are being encouraged to change their diet today, as scientists revealed the environmental costs of a diet of high fibre meals.

“Rabbits fart up to 20 times their body weight in carbon dioxide, methane, ethane, and carrothane daily. To put this in context, one windy bunny could put out as much damaging gas into the atmosphere as four clapped out Transit vans driving from Stoke to Bangor”, Professor Hugh Sless warned, “A constant high fibre diet reduces food transit times, and increases gas production enormously. Rabbits either have to change their diet, or fart into a balloon.”

He unveiled a highly controversial but more environmentally friendly high protein, high meat, low carrot Bunkin’s diet, that left the almost exclusively vegetarian rabbit population up in arms.

“There’s no way I’m giving up my celery for a kebab” said annoying celebrity chef Bunsley Harriot (who was sadly accidentally run over 12 times by a Greek kebab baron on his way home).

“This is a very timely intervention with sound advice” says Neon Ratburger, spokesman for BTAC, the Bunny Trump Abolition Campaign, “we have been trying to get rabbits to put a cork in this for years. It’s slightly ridiculous that it takes a twelve thousand page report to ram the bunny-bung home – but we’re delighted that good science has prevailed. Here’s to fewer farts in the fields!”

Rabbit says: Rabbit restaurants are experimenting with new menus, but initial reactions are not encouraging. Pro-carrot campaigners are rumoured to be organizing a campaign of bunny disobedience, although their tactics are not as yet clear. Desperate bunnies may try desperate measures...