Science: Reporter Frank DeNile II
Everett, WA: Aviation media were treated to a glimpse of the future here today as the Boring Airline corporation’s latest make-or-break commercial airliner was unveiled.
Amid the fanfares, pom-poms and general ballyhoo of the whole occasion, it was hard not to notice it looked a little unfinished: There was duck-tape holding the wings on. Hubert K Wingnut, chief engineer clarified that it was “100% certain to resemble this prototype in at least 45% of the 30% of the structure that is structural. The non-structural structure is 99% certain to certainly not bear resemblance to 75% of the non-structural structure that you see here. It is unlikely that duck-tape will form a major structural or non-structural element.”
The most impressive innovation is in propulsion – no engine nacelles can be seen. Shunning high performance jets made with exotic alloys burning refined fuel and producing shedloads of greenhouse gases, a whole new power source has been developed..
Two hundred and seventy-five thousand domestic bluebottle flies will be glued on to the 200 foot wings, trained to fly in unison, and will hoist the aircraft, crew and 378 passengers aloft for short-haul flights.
“Flies are an under used source of power” Wingnut explains, “They are compact, easily replaced, and have a reasonable service life if given something sugary to suck on, and the occasional scattering of dung.”
He continues “They emit much less carbon dioxide and nitrogenous compounds, and they make much less noise. Those dwelling near large airports will notice only a gentle humming when one goes over, a bit like an asthmatic blowing on a kazoo.”
There is a problem “If they see a window they tend to fly at them, bouncing off and going 'bzzzz'. Obviously this could spill the drinks in first class so we’re experimenting with blinkers so they don’t get distracted during flights. It’s really just a teething problem.”
Order books for the new Flyliner open in October.
Everett, WA: Aviation media were treated to a glimpse of the future here today as the Boring Airline corporation’s latest make-or-break commercial airliner was unveiled.
Amid the fanfares, pom-poms and general ballyhoo of the whole occasion, it was hard not to notice it looked a little unfinished: There was duck-tape holding the wings on. Hubert K Wingnut, chief engineer clarified that it was “100% certain to resemble this prototype in at least 45% of the 30% of the structure that is structural. The non-structural structure is 99% certain to certainly not bear resemblance to 75% of the non-structural structure that you see here. It is unlikely that duck-tape will form a major structural or non-structural element.”
The most impressive innovation is in propulsion – no engine nacelles can be seen. Shunning high performance jets made with exotic alloys burning refined fuel and producing shedloads of greenhouse gases, a whole new power source has been developed..
Two hundred and seventy-five thousand domestic bluebottle flies will be glued on to the 200 foot wings, trained to fly in unison, and will hoist the aircraft, crew and 378 passengers aloft for short-haul flights.
“Flies are an under used source of power” Wingnut explains, “They are compact, easily replaced, and have a reasonable service life if given something sugary to suck on, and the occasional scattering of dung.”
He continues “They emit much less carbon dioxide and nitrogenous compounds, and they make much less noise. Those dwelling near large airports will notice only a gentle humming when one goes over, a bit like an asthmatic blowing on a kazoo.”There is a problem “If they see a window they tend to fly at them, bouncing off and going 'bzzzz'. Obviously this could spill the drinks in first class so we’re experimenting with blinkers so they don’t get distracted during flights. It’s really just a teething problem.”
Order books for the new Flyliner open in October.
1 comment:
Dear sirrah,
Please make your mind up! The wings held on by Duck Tape? But the craft bourne aloft by flies? Which is it, ducks or flies???
I will refrain from "as the hooker said to the vicar" jokes at this point.
On a more positive note, I would like to applaud Boring for taking a far better line than Harebus with their insane short-hop design powered by gold-plated diamond-fired engines. Those carbon emissions cause one to quake for the future of our little leverets!
Yours,
Wing Commander Owl Rightnow KCGCHQ
(retired)
Post a Comment