New front line weapon unveiled

London UK: Reporter Bunby Funbag

Hot on the heels of Prince Harry’s replacement, senior army personnel unveiled a new, controversial generation of potent weaponry to a packed press conference at the MOD today, and immediately came under fire (not literally) from animal welfare groups around the country.

“It’s taken around 20 years to blend an organism and high explosive into a useful weapon, but we’re confident that we have something of immense utility that will confuse the hell out of the enemy.”, said Captain Slaptin of the 2nd Battalion King’s Own Combs and Dental Floss, “Gentlemen, we have created the Bungrenade.”

At this point and in complete silence, an ashen faced private brought forth a small carry hutch containing a fist sized rabbit swathed in bubble-wrap.

“Primed by inserting a fuse through a handy aperture” – the rabbit’s eyes started watering at this point - “ they are simple to maintain and operate, and can be used in pretty much any terrain or combat arena, as long as the roads aren’t too bumpy.”

Such caveats are not unfounded: Earlier unstable strains of the animals tended to detonate when mating, and four rabbit farms have been vapourized during the program. Such “teething troubles” are reportedly solved now.

“We find the male rabbits are more potent – it’s a case of more bang for your bucks.” Slaptin joked weakly, to complete silence.

“This is an outrage”, said a masked activist, protesting outside, “we plan a campaign of protests, civil disobedience, and break-ins to breeding facilities with careful liberation of these poor unfortunate animals. Not too sure what we’ll do with them after that.. ..do you have any good ideas?”

Bungrenades are expected to enter active service in the next few months, and reinforced concrete hutches are currently being delivered to regiments across the country prior to conversion training.

Unconfirmed reports suggest there is an additional project looking at thermonuclear field mice.

Rabbit says: Einstein and Darwin would be horrified. I hear burrow prices have plummeted near army bases, and there have been incidents from drunken pub-hole brawls resulting in small towns being wiped off the map. This can't end well...