Pressure Group Round on Sad Bunch of Idiots..

Establishment figures were reeling yesterday, as calls from prominent rabbits united to demand the strict regulation of clowns.

The trigger for this extraordinary disquiet was a meeting to discuss an incident that took place last month during a performance at Gyppo’s circus in Wigan. Buff the miniature lop, a member of the circus for several years, was mistaken for a soft toy by Flaccid Sid the Clown who playfully lobbed him to Wincey the lioness. In the resulting attack, Wincey was mauled severely by the diminutive rabbit, and Police took Buff into detention.

Following further enquiries and genetic testing, Buff was found to have elements of the outlawed “Pit Bull-type” dog DNA in his system. In accordance with the law his behavioural characteristics were profiled, and he was humanely fatally killed.

“This tragic chain of events need never have happened if proper checks had been performed on Sid”, raged Bunty Punter, leader of the coalition; “He has a consistent history of being an utter dimwit, and has been on the State Imbecile Rehabilitation Program since he skewered a wombat during a performance in Gwent. He should never have been performing.”

The demands of the group include full Bunny Police background checks to uncover any history of rabbit abuse, a complete ban on flowers that squirt water, cars that fall apart, and registration of face painting patterns to make clowns easily identified in the street, should they wander.

Challenged as to whether this infringes human rights, Ms Punter was unrepentant: “The rabbit population deserve to know when threats like this are in their neighbourhood, that’s RABBIT rights.”

Predictably, reaction from the clown fraternity has been frankly weird. Happy Max, spokesman for the clown association PRATS, commented “Whahey! Look at my spinning bow tie! I do kids parties too you know..”

Punter is a rabbit on a mission, and is unconcerned that she may spoil the “fun” for fans of the face-painted twerps.

“Funny?”, she scoffs, “They scared the pellets out of me when I was a kid. No, we need to carefully control them and where they want to change, offer them counselling and rehabilitation if they need it.”

No official comment was forthcoming; “We don’t normally give quotes to Rabbit Press, they tend to be mean and insulting to humans.” a fat, bald, patronizing spokesman sniffed.

Fine by us.